Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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