do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
