Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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