Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
