Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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