Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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