My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
