well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
