I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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