I just threw up on my dentist
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
