so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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