sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
