I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
