You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
