Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
