in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
