K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
