i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
