So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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