question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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