you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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