did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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