I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
