and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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