You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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