So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
