I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
