He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
