I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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