I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
