kristin has been a bad kristin
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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