the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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