Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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