No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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