I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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