Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
