Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
