I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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