I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
