He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
