Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
