Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
