is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
