video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
