i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am one with the molecules
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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