you traded sex for a burrito?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
