careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
