So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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