Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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