I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
