I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
soo... how was my night?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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